


Homecoming

by The_Almighty_COOKIE



Category: RWBY
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 08:17:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13566540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Almighty_COOKIE/pseuds/The_Almighty_COOKIE
Summary: Weiss Schnee wasn’t the most trustful of people. She preferred to hoard her faith for her closest friends, whom she knew she could trust with her life. So, it wouldn’t be too crazy to assume she could trust them with her mansion, right?





	Homecoming

Two weeks had passed since I was last in Vale, but it had felt so much longer. Perhaps it was because the trip was 6% fun, 19% board meetings, and 75% paperwork, or perhaps, I was just homesick. Either way, it felt nice to be back in the city, where the air was warm but not swelteringly hot, and people said hello to even complete strangers.

 

I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel, allowing my mind to wander homewards, where my friends were. Just before I left for the airport, I assigned them the enormous responsibility of taking care of my mansion. It did seem like much to ask, and I wasn't too comfortable with some individuals being there—Sun—but I had faith in them, and that had to count for something. 

 

The mansion came into view, beautiful, sunlight-bathed, and most importantly, intact. My car slowed to a halt in front of the mansion. I exited and opened the trunk, hoisting my suitcase out of it.

 

“Weiss?”

 

"Emerald!" I rushed over and wrapped my arms around her tightly, "Oh, it's so good to see you! How are you? Where are the others?"

 

Emerald glanced aside, “Well..."

 

"Well, what?"

 

"Alright, don't freak out, but somehow, Blake got herself stuck on a chandelier in the library."

 

I blinked. "What?" 

 

“I’m not making this up. Come see.”

 

Before I could ask more questions, Emerald dragged me inside. I tried my best to glean details from the environment as we raced through the mansion. Nothing looked too out of place, so other than Blake and the whole chandelier-thing, they did a pretty good job. We made it to the library, and there was Blake hanging from the jewel-speckled chandelier with an arm around Zwei.

 

“See, I told you,” Emerald said. She looked back up to Blake and yelled, “Blake!”

 

“Emerald?”

 

“What are you doing up there?  _ How _ did you even get up there?” I screeched.

 

Blake gripped the chandelier hard enough for the ruddy complexion of her hands to vanish, “It’s a long story.”

 

“Okay, fine. Just get down before it breaks.”

 

Blake didn’t move.”

 

“Blake?”

 

“No,” she muttered.

 

“What?”

 

Blake’s mouth opened to speak properly; instead, she sneezed loudly. The chandelier swayed dangerously.

 

“Blake!” Emerald dashed underneath with her arms outstretched.

 

“Ugh!” She cried out, “I  _ hate _ this dog.”

 

I massaged my temples, “Just get down from there.”

 

“Not happening.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Well, gee, Weiss, why don’t you get up here and discover for yourself?”

 

“Blake, just jump,” Emerald said, “I’ll catch you.”

 

“No, you won’t! Don’t think I’ve forgotten about that time you and Mercury broke my favorite painting playing catch.”

 

“It was pretty tacky, anyway.”

 

“It was a gift from my mother!”

 

“C’mon, Blake, we don’t have all day,” I insisted.

 

“I don’t care if you have all— _ hachoo!”  _ The chandelier finally gave up and plummeted to the floor, and Blake and Zwei came down with it. Emerald managed to catch Blake before the floor could. Just as I dove forward to save Zwei, a scream echoed throughout the mansion.

 

“I’ll go see what that is,” I set Zwei down and left the library. From the sounds of the screams, it seemed like they were coming from one of the guest bedrooms. I turned the corner to a section of the mansion that was almost foreign to me. Going door-to-door seemed like my best bet, so I did and regretted it immediately when I saw Mercury sprawled on a futon, stark naked.

 

“Mercury, what the  _ fuck!”  _ I yelped, shielding my eyes.

 

“Can’t a guy get any privacy around here?” He asked in a slightly muffled voice, “I’m trying to have a honeymoon.”

 

“With who, the futon?”

 

He paused. “Yes, actually.”

 

“What? That makes no sense! Why are you naked? Is that my antique futon?  _ Why are you naked? _ ”

 

“Look, Weiss,” Mercury started, “Haven’t you ever been in love?”

 

“N-No. What does love even have to do with any of this?”

 

“Everything,” His voice was a little more than a whisper now, “From the moment I saw her, I knew I wanted to be with her more than anything else in this world.”

 

The cognitive wheels in my mind came to a screeching halt.

 

_ “What?” _

 

“I’m in love with your futon.”

 

_ “WHAT?” _

 

“I’m in love with your futon. I don’t see what about that’s so hard to understand?”

 

“How about the part where you said you’re in love with my fucking futon?”

 

“She’s more than just a futon, Weiss. Don’t you see?”

 

“No, I don’t see. And I never want to see. In fact, I’m gonna leave, so I can avoid seeing more,” I felt my way back to the door, pulled it open, and stumbled out. Once I heard the click of the door closing, I opened my eyes. 

 

“Oh, Weiss, you’re back! Great!” Nora Valkyrie bounded up to me, clapping her hands together in delight.

 

“Oh, what now? Has Ruby locked herself in the fridge? Is Jaune marrying my Persian rug collection?”

 

“Well, no, not exactly. I mean, Ruby might be scarred for life, and Jaune’s… Alright.”

 

I placed my hands on my hips, narrowing my eyes, “What do you mean he’s ‘alright’?” 

 

“I mean he’s alright, silly. What else would I mean?”

 

“Did you kill him?”

 

“What? No! He’s fine, trust me.”

 

“No thanks. Just tell me what happened.”

 

Nora twiddled her fingers, “Well, to tell you the truth, he’s feeling a little ‘avian’, if you catch my drift.”

 

“I don’t ‘catch your drift’ at all, Nora. Just tell me what all the secrecy about.”

 

Nora glanced around. Leaning in right next to my ear, she whispered, “He’s a chicken.”

 

“That’s not a secret, Nora.”

 

“No, I meant he’s actually a chicken. Like the bird.”

 

I stared at Nora like she had just told me Mountain Glenn was an inside job.

 

“It’s kind of cool, actually.”

 

I covered my face with both hands, “Where is he?”

 

Nora led me all the way to the highest floor in the mansion, a continuation of the bedroom wing. For some reason, this part of the mansion looked like a tornado had passed through it a few hundred times. It made me wonder what exactly had happened in the weeks I’d been absent. Nora stopped halfway through the hallway, although the carnage continued past her.

 

“I’m back!” She flung the door open with her declaration, ”And guess what? I brought Weiss with me!”

 

There were only two people in the room. Ren, cradling a chicken, and Ruby, rocking back-and-forth in the fetal position wearing a military recruit-worthy thousand-yard stare.

 

“Thank goodness,” Ren ran over to them, offering Nora the chicken in his scratched-up arms, “Take it, take it, please take it now.”

 

Nora did, albeit having to rip the chicken’s beak away from his finger. Ren winced and made a break for the bathroom.

 

“They got into a fight earlier, and I guess Jaune’s still mad,” she explained.

 

“Nora, there’s no way that’s Jaune.”

 

“It’s him, I swear. We left Jaune in here, and when we came back, the chicken was here, and he was gone!” 

 

“That’s not enough proof to assume he  _ is _ the chicken.”

 

“But we can’t find him anywhere!”

 

“He could’ve just gone home.”

 

“His lucky top hat is still here. Jaune wouldn’t leave without that.”

 

“Are you sure you didn’t just kill him? You can tell me. I won’t rat you out.”

 

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure.”

 

“Hmm... Well, maybe, you just didn’t search hard enough. He could be anywhere. In fact, I bet he’s just down the hall. I’ll go check.”

 

Nora’s eyes widened, “Wait, Weiss, no!”

 

But I was out the door before she could do a thing. I maneuvered my way around the various objects strewn across the hallway like it was some sort of obstacle course, stopping in front of the closest door. Inside, a yellow-eyed woman sat behind a cauldron filled with hot, bubbling something, stirring it with what appeared to be a giant spoon. The woman and I stared at each other for a brief second.

 

“Do you mind? I’m trying to make a profit here.”

 

I closed the door silently, figuring I’d deal with that later. The next door, thankfully, didn’t have something ridiculously insane behind it. 

 

Because Yang Xiao Long passed out on a bed in a black hoodie and nothing else really only counted as moderately insane.

 

I backed out of that room slowly. Only one door was left, my bedroom door. Why Jaune would be in my room, I didn't know, but I figured it would be better for him to be there than to be poultry. Theoretically. I pushed open the door, and the first thing that hit me was the smell, oh, the smell. I staggered slightly, covering my nose. How I wished I'd stopped there. 

 

Jaune, Sun, and Neptune were... um... I think Yang called it a daisy chain once. I wasn't sure. One thing I was sure about is that I had seen enough. I slammed the door shut and pressed my back against it as if I was keeping some horrendous beast in. And in a way, I was, because nobody needed to smell what I smelled or see what I saw.  A few dozen calming breaths later, I made my way back to Nora.

 

"Hey, Weiss," Nora waved. I ignored her and plopped down next to Ruby on the sofa. She didn't even acknowledge my presence. What happened to her? I should ask Nora about that next. Speaking of which, she sat down on my other side, smiling nervously, "So... D'you find Jaune?"

 

I glared. 

 

"Well, I did try and stop you."

 

"You told me he was a chicken. How did you expect me to believe that?"

 

"I mean, I am a pretty bad liar, but you can't deny I tried."

 

That was true, but she should’ve tried the least bit harder. “Alright,” I said, “That’s everybody, I think. Blake and Emerald are in the library. Mercury’s in one of the guest bedrooms, Jaune, Sun, and Neptune…” I shuddered. “Yang’s asleep, and we’re here.”

 

“What about Roman and Pyrrha?”

 

I was about to suggest we go look for them, but then some screaming entity whizzed past the window. It crashed, and a faint voice shouted, “I’m sorry!” 

 

Nora and I exchanged looks.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, 'spose that's good enough for a first-time fic. Maybe I'll try something longer next time, add in a little coherence. Maybe. Like it? Love it? Hate it with a burning passion? Tell me why! I'd love to hear your thoughts and criticisms. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to do something about this hangover. *sigh* I really need to stop writing under the influence.


End file.
